re-pattern

whatever my soul inherited in this life

has given me the beautiful challenge

of getting to re-pattern

the deeply rooted story

that it’s wrong to have needs

that it’s wrong to take up space

that it’s wrong to have sovereignty.

but before I could re-pattern,

I had to learn the painful lesson,

again and again,

that being deeply afraid

of putting myself out there

in ways as little as refusing basic needs,

in attempts to not stress anyone out,

or let anyone “down” somehow

by taking care of myself,

in actuality,

ironically,

creates more stress than

having the courage to live in my truth

even if it means making others uncomfortable...

it turns out

it’s confusing for others

when I merge and conform to their being and lifestyle,

as I forget temporarily about my own being,

and then when I remember I am an individual,

take much needed space,

it creates a whiplash effect

that I never wish to hurt another human being with.

but I have.

so here I a